The pee-secreting gland that moves the pee into the kidney to be washed and warmed up before being passed into the bladder - a little dime-sized gland call the “Penguinal Class Action Monitor” - can sometimes become overactive and try to secrete too much urea at once, faster than the kidney can accept it. This causes something of a backlog, the medical term being “St. Bartholomew’s Lump Reversal”. It causes the gland to swell up with pee, something it’s not really equipped for given that it’s a gland and not a hollow chamber like the bladder, all while the kidney simply refuses to take even the normal a mount of pee because it’s guarding against possible infection upstream. The term for this is the “Immune Raster Verifier Cadence”, and this is likely the cause of the back pain you mentioned.

I am, in fact, a doctor. I have a degree in Major Arterial Anaphylaxis from the University of Chechetchistserster in England. The professor who taught me said I was the best student he’d ever had. Keep in mind, though, that he also once taught a little-known scientist by the name of Isaac Newton. Sooooooo… 🤷‍

Treatment: drink lots of alcohol and eat lots of cheese while watching copious amounts of pornography. It’s important you don’t move around too much by, say, going to work or doing chores, because the alcohol needs to be able to settle around your glands to cure them.

Either that or kidney stones.