awful.systems
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
The Picard Maneuver to Funny@sh.itjust.works • 3 days ago

When you marry someone who thinks ahead

lemmy.world

message-square
46
fedilink
316

When you marry someone who thinks ahead

lemmy.world

The Picard Maneuver to Funny@sh.itjust.works • 3 days ago
message-square
46
fedilink
alert-triangle
You must log in or register to comment.
  • @barneypiccolo@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    English
    6•21 hours ago

    “What’s for dinner?”

    “Peanut Butter.”

    “Of course.”

  • @Panamalt@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    140•3 days ago

    Going by the spillage, that stuff is already fuckin rancid as hell

    • skribe
      link
      fedilink
      32•3 days ago

      Nah, it’s just crunchy.

      • @sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        10•3 days ago

        crunchy and ‘spicey’

        • @barneypiccolo@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          English
          2•21 hours ago

          Tart

      • Smee
        link
        fedilink
        English
        6•3 days ago

        Crusty

  • @Etterra@discuss.online
    link
    fedilink
    English
    65•3 days ago

    So you’re going to die this year? Because peanut butter has a way shorter expiration date than he seems you think. Though if you eat that much peanut butter in a year, so do y’all.

    • @klao@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      55•3 days ago

      • @mmddmm@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        English
        15•3 days ago

        That hing on their hands… It doesn’t look like a spoon.

        • M137
          link
          fedilink
          11•3 days ago

          that word in your comment, doesn’t look like a thing.

          • @samus12345@lemm.ee
            link
            fedilink
            English
            8•2 days ago

            “Thank you, Hing!”

    • Smee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      3•3 days ago

      Would old peanut butter kill ya? Perhaps that’s what they mean by “a lifetime supply”?

      • @Etterra@discuss.online
        link
        fedilink
        English
        1•22 hours ago

        Besides anything killing you insufficient quantities, or if you end up being trapped ankle deep but head first in of that barrel, probably. It’s been open so there’s a good chance that something got in there. Botulism will kill you really good.

  • @WhiteOakBayou@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    62•3 days ago

    I think I’m overpaying for peanut butter

    • ☂️-
      link
      fedilink
      3•
      edit-2
      3 days ago

      buying in bulk is definetly cheaper

  • @Tudsamfa@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    36•3 days ago

    I have to imagine this peanut butter was intended to feed animals, probably for hunting.

    So it isn’t even particularly sweet and processed at a lower standard than the stuff the husband was used to. But what do I know, maybe he always intended to bait hogs with it.

    • Liz
      link
      fedilink
      English
      11•2 days ago

      Added sugar to peanut butter is an affront to the mighty peanut. Just grind that shit pure and smack it in your mouth like nature intended.

      • @ObtuseDoorFrame@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        English
        5•2 days ago

        Damn straight. Peanut butter is the best tasting food in existence and adding sugar to it is wildly insulting.

    • @MimicJar@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      12•3 days ago

      probably for hunting.

      Who needs a machine gun? For hunting.

      Who needs $600 worth of peanut butter? For hunting.

      Take my peanut butter away?

      From my warm sticky hands!

      • Smee
        link
        fedilink
        English
        4•3 days ago

        Am I weird for wanting a machinegun that shoots hogs at peanut butter?

    • 1ostA5tro6yne
      link
      fedilink
      5•2 days ago

      it’s on /r/AmIOverreacting, i think it’s safe to assume the story is false

  • Eyedust
    link
    fedilink
    English
    21•3 days ago

    This is probably like… number one on the “my partner might be a doomsday prepper” checklist.

  • @ChanchoManco@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    17•3 days ago

    That’s not nearly enough for a lifetime

    • Smee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      10•3 days ago

      A single jar is more than enough for a lifetime.

      • Ephera
        link
        fedilink
        English
        12•2 days ago

        Especially, if you’re allergic.

    • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮
      link
      fedilink
      English
      5•3 days ago

      If you ate all of it at once it would definitely last a lifetime. Especially if you have a peanut allergy!

  • @spooky2092@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    12•2 days ago

    That gonna go rancid before the first barrel is emptied.

  • @psmgx@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    27•3 days ago

    Probably 2/3 of the way to racid already, smh

    • @dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de
      link
      fedilink
      8•3 days ago

      Racid? Do you mean rancid?

      • thermal_shock
        link
        fedilink
        English
        6•3 days ago

        He meant racist.

  • magnetosphere
    link
    fedilink
    27•3 days ago

    My answer depends heavily on whether it’s chunky or creamy

  • @hOrni@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    12•3 days ago

    Like that guy who bought 40 pounds of parmesan for 10 bucks.

    • bizarroland
      link
      fedilink
      5•3 days ago

      Can you imagine how buff the Olive Garden server’s arms would get?

  • @xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    English
    11•3 days ago

    he’s planning a murder/suicide involving peanut butter

    • The Picard ManeuverOP
      link
      fedilink
      15•3 days ago

  • AnimalsDream
    link
    fedilink
    English
    5•2 days ago

    Going to be honest. I was looking into sources of bulk organic goods and saw that Eden Foods sells 55 gallon barrels of soy sauce for roughly $3,000. Far beyond justifying for any pay I’ve ever had, but for how much soy sauce I go through it is tempting that it’s there.

    But then again I opted not to buy anything from that company because the founder is very openly Catholic, and I don’t know what their political leanings are. I’d rather not accidentally support another Hobby Lobby if I can avoid it.

  • Rodneyck
    link
    fedilink
    10•3 days ago

    Is this some ‘The Price Is Right’ reveal? As a prepper, I bid $10,001!

  • @MTK@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    5•3 days ago

    So potentially I can have a PB bath for around 100$? Neat

    • Captain Aggravated
      link
      fedilink
      English
      1•2 days ago

      Hi Bixby, can you bathe in peanut butter?

Funny@sh.itjust.works

!funny@sh.itjust.works

remote_follow_modal_title

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: !funny@sh.itjust.works

General rules:

  • Be kind.
  • All posts must make an attempt to be funny.
  • Obey the general sh.itjust.works instance rules.
  • No politics or political figures. There are plenty of other politics communities to choose from.
  • Don’t post anything grotesque or potentially illegal. Examples include pornography, gore, animal cruelty, inappropriate jokes involving kids, etc.

Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.

  • 2.12K users / day
  • 3.95K users / week
  • 7.31K users / month
  • 14.4K users / 6 months
  • 9.72K subscribers
  • 1.5K Posts
  • 24.8K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • @TheDude@sh.itjust.works
  • kersploosh
  • @example@reddthat.com
  • @VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.works
  • BE: 0.19.3
  • Modlog
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org