Bonus points: if that place/activity is friendly for disabled people with limited mobility.
First off, you cannot attend any kind of event where women are involved.
I’m not doing a battle of the sexes thing, but the reality is that social dynamics massively change when opposite sex are involved. It is fundamentally impossible to have genuine interactions with other men, when women are around.
Before you get all triggered and decide to hit the downvote, remember I am not doing battle of the sexes…you cannot take women’s wine night for example, deposit a man in the group and expect the social dynamic to remain the same.
So go find something where women are not allowed. Find a clubhouse with a crudely written sign that says “no girls allowed” and the R is backwards.
Find a place where men are not in competition for the attention of women.
Volunteer in outreach orgs or at events that are related to your interests.
There are also mutual aid orgs. They are almost always accessibility aware. Maybe check in with MADR. They may be able to point to local groups if you’re in the US.
There’s also Food Not Bombs which is great!
Magic the Gathering. Its like drugs but its only bad for your Bank account and if you dont min/max it wont destroy your friendships that bad.
Board game groups and board game cafes are great for that!
No they’re horrible environments for meeting on socializing with other people.
If you’ve ever been to a socializing board game night, you would be aware that there’s effectively zero chance to communicate, talk, have a conversation - a group of people can’t focus on two things at once.
We must be going to different ones because there’s loads of down-time in most games and people would have a smoke break and just hang out with food and drinks post games.
Board game cafes is my 1st choice for social connections when arriving to a new country and I make friends every time. Never failed me once.
Without bonus points: climbing. It’s always done in groups, the community is very open and you spend a lot of time just talking.
Basically you show up to a local climbing gym, try a boulder, some guy tries it after you, you say something like “I think you need to switch hands here”, you start chatting, ask him about outdoor climbing in the area, he says that he’s going to a nice stop this weekend, invites you to join, you go and hang out with people all day. It really is that simple.
Your nearest, biggest city’s library is a good place to look. Libraries almost always have something going on in a spare public room or have public event flyers hung up. If you’re interested in politics, going and yelling at city council is a great way to meet local activists.
Just throwing out a suggestion: choir.
Never tried it myself, but I have heard a lot of people build good relationships there.
Local gaming shops are good options if you’re in an urban/suburban area. Many run regular events for TableTop Role Playing Games like Pathfinder and DnD, Warhammer, board game tournaments, etc… Many also host discord servers so folks can make “LFG” (Looking For Game) type posts.
Obviously its going to depend where you are, but I’ve found it to be a great place to socialize when I’m bored.
Are they typically welcoming to people who have never played tabletop games?
I’ve never met a public-facing tabletop group that wasn’t enthusiastic to introduce new people to it. I think honestly my worst experience was when some dude brought his insanely broken D&D 3.5 character to play in a level one 5E game. The DM handled it very well; much better than I would have, I think.
My experience is that they generally are, but if they’re not they’ll be very friendly in suggesting that they’re not the right venue for you.
If that sounds weird, go (or phone) and ask them. If they say “Well we’ve got a pretty hardcore community here,” then that’s a sign that maybe it’s not where you should start. But gamers, on the whole, LOVE sharing their passion with new people.
Or look for sign up sheets for a campaign. It can literally be signing up for your new gang of friends.
In my experience, it totally depends on the shop and what kind if environment the owners are trying to cultivate. I’ve been to super competitive shops that are crazy anal about sticking to game rules, rude to newcomers, etc, and I’ve been to others (like my current shop) that realize we’re a bunch of middle aged fucks playing with toys (40k is my shit).
More often than not, though, the vibe is going to be a welcoming one. As others have said, its more people to play games with! Especially in the plastic crack community, where there’s certainly a 30 year Warhammer veteran just waiting for a newbie to dump their lore knowledge into.
Yes, even non profit clubs need a constant influx of newcomers, whose member due will pay the rent when the ancient will leave. And for game shop it’s even worse. It’s a hobby where a 50 € book can entertain 4 adults for year, so you need new comer to keep selling.
My local rpg club runs monthly discovery session and many GM gladly take beginners at their table. (most) RPG have relatively straightforward basic rules, any semi decent GM can give you a 30 minutes briefing with enough information to play. Most of these hugs books aren’t rules but story, and special abilities (e.g. Magic spells and potions) so you don’t need to read them before playing.
Usually, I advise to look for one shots session to start it allows to discover a game and test the alchemy with other players without signing up for a 2 years campaign.
I appreciate all the responses!
It really depends, but mostly yes because people always want more people to play stuff with. You don’t need to go to a games store to find tabletop games though, hit up roll20 and search their LFG section, they’ve got a filter on their LFG search for games that welcome new players, you can sort by what time you want to play, etc. It’s mostly D&D, but there’s a ton of other stuff in there too if you know what you want to play.
I’ve heard of them having newbie games scheduled on certain days. I don’t know how welcoming general games would be to a complete beginner, though.
The doorknobs are made of the skulls from those who dared to enter, but did not already know the game. Lol
Jokes aside, while I haven’t been to one myself I know people who play and they’re always welcoming of new people. I’m sure the attitude is “more people to play with!”
The tabletop game meetup I know of (in New York) is explicitly friendly to new players. One of the hosts said their first game ever was at the meetup many years ago.
If you like animals, there’s lots to do with animal rescue, and you meet lots of great people. There are ways to contribute even if you don’t have a lot of physical mobility, like helping with internet activities, record-keeping, photography, and caring for animals temporarily while they’re being quarantined.
Dungeons & Dragons is one, for the sufficiently geeky.
I woald advise other RPG than D&D, too many beginner look for D&D and nothing else, while tons of GM struggle to find player for non D&D games, as usual look for a club/meetup/shop near you
DND is tricky to recommend. On the one hand, as far as RPGs go it’s mega popular. On the other, it’s a very specific kind of game and rather finicky.
Many people who don’t want to play fantasy dungeon crawling tactical combat would enjoy other genres, but finding those groups can be harder. One of my friends has no real interest in fantasy, but immediately was like “LET’S DO IT” when I mentioned a game of Vampire.
This one is interesting as don’t you need friends already to play?
Most game shops host some games that are open to people signing up.
At one of my local stores, they specifically have the “D&D Adventure League” once a week. It does have a $5 entry fee.
Our local libraries do this too! They are free but waaay less rowdy than others I’ve tried (i loke a lol rowdy). And, usually One and Done campaigns. Do double check if you do see your library has them, ours do adult and teen in different groups.
If you want to start an irl group, yeah. If you’re joining an existing group, no though. Fully online is obviously the easiest place to find groups looking for players, but you can also head down to your local gaming store. I’ve seen bulletin boards before with flyers looking for players, but can probably just ask the people working there if they know of any.
Could also check online forums for your local community, maybe even make a post asking if any gaming groups have openings for irl players.
there are actually lots of groups that attempt to rectify this exact problem.
Pathfinder is a tabletop RPG that has a large following and focuses on the ability to jump in and out of groups and games.
Find your nearest game store and see what hobbies show up there. There might be a Warhammer group, DnD, starwars miniatures, magic, or maybe just random board games.
IIRC, you can get into public games on roll20. I also know Lemmy has an instance dedicated to TTRPGs; do they have any kind of game matchup community?
You can play with online friends with a virtual tabletop like Roll20 or Foundry and voice chat like Discord. I’m in 4 games a week and all of them are online. I mentioned in another comment, but Roll20 has an LFG section taht lets you search by game systems, time, whether or not they welcome new players, etc. I’ve met tons of people this way.
I came here to say Dungeons & Dragons. People of all ages and walks of life play.
Pursue your interests in life and people you’re going to hit it off with will be along the way.
Yeah unfortunately most of my interests are stuff that are done solo. Im also not sure if those interests became my interests because i have been solo most of my life. Moved around allot as a kid. That’s why I want to bridge out to new things.
- Linux
- Comic books
- Reading novels
- Electronic Engineering
- Video Games
Maybe check if there are maker spaces/repair cafes near you. They are always happy for help.
Hey! you sound pretty cool! :D
I’m at a similar age and have similar interests. I’ve not been successful. I’ve done what others suggest, but not many people are making a genuine connection. Meetup.com ends up being an activity for the meet up and not connection outside. Conventions and gaming makes people get together for the event…but again little interest outside that.
Some of this might be a skill issue. Some of this has to do with how incredibly socially reserved the British are (all my ongoing friendships are with non-British people while living in England, because they’re the ones who will accept invites and meet up again). Some of this has to do with having interests that hardly anyone shares IRL.
I’ve seen posts like this before on Lemmy and people even said they were interested in a chat channel to start a social group here, so I made one and no one joined.
Good luck. I’m interested in reading the other replies you get.
Yeah i so get you dude. It’s funny you bring up being British. I’m half English and have the same problem when I go to cons. Like I went to the local Vintage Computer Festival South West. People were nice but just could never get anyone make the jump to genuine connection.
Being on crutches I think puts it on hard mode. As people ether consciously or unconsciously just don’t want to deal with disabled people. I feel that is less an issue in the UK but in the states most people are down right hostile sometimes to disabled people.
Oh man I was the guy that said “Just go to cons” above but I see what you’re saying. Genuine connections take time.
One way I have really had some luck is just messaging friends I haven’t talked to in a while to check in on them. Most don’t reply but sometimes one does. One guy I messaged after not seeing him in 20 years and now we hang out every other week.
Maybe there is no winning strategy, just gotta be persistent.
Yeah it’s a good plan if you can do it. But with moving around allot I don’t really have those old friends in the area. It’s regretful now but as a teen and up to my early twenties. I was of a mind set I’m just going to move in a few years anyway might as well stick to myself. I was that kid in high-school that just did his work didn’t bother anyone. Then just disappeared without you really noticing him. You might have asked to barrow a pen in class.
Shit dude, that sounds terrible with people giving you attitude for mobility aids.
I haven’t tried clubs (book club, warhammer, etc) and haven’t tried hobby classes.
I’ve had postgraduate formal classes, but that had mature students who had young families that they were keen to get back to (rather than hanging out).
Thanks dude, i will im used to the overtly hostile people. It’s the people that don’t even realize they do it that kills me. Because that’s not them being assholes that’s the systematic bias built by our society as a whole.
Go to cons my guy. Join the tournaments, stand in line. People are friendly just aim for a good conversation and be curious about people
Video games can be very social though.
Have you tried discord communities for any games you like?
Or alternative look for a game with a good community?
Yeah I tried a discord group called Gamers Who Chill: DFW but it tended to skew to collage kids or teens. Didn’t feel comfortable engaging. As i didn’t want to come off like a creepy old dude by talking to kids.
Some games will have younger audience, I really don’t see an issue tbh but their spazzing can get annoying quick
I am not sure what’s in vogue now. But for example elite dangerous used to have a strong community for middle aged cucks. Eve online too I heard
I was able to reconnect with high schools and college friends recently via video games. If you got old friends like that, might be worth reaching out. Everyone seemed settled in a rut and bored now and willing to do it. When I tried it 10 years ago, everyone was busy “living life”
Oh im not sure I can go back to EVE. That consumed my life in my twenties. 😁
🫡
I wanted to give a second vote for discord. I’m in several channels that aren’t for videogames but for my other hobbies, and things like age/gender never even really come up because everyone is there to talk about whatever said hobby is. Then again, I do most of my communication through text and not voice and I suppose that can make a difference when dealing with the younger crowds.
Yeah i do that mainly with the tildeverse IRC channels and while fun to have a quick chat with a stranger it seems for me those interactions never cross the gap to become a genuine connection beyond talking in IRC or Discord.
You mean you hang out with them and they just feel mundane.
More i say hi they say hi we talk about a topic then they go away. Like where you talk to an anonymous screen name an don’t know anything about the person behind it. You enjoy the conversation much like how I enjoy talking with everyone on lemmy but that connection doesn’t turn into a connection where im added to an invite list at that person’s wedding or graduation. Like you would with a friend group.
Book club or maybe even some sort of 3d printing meetup? I’ve always found that the people that are interested in those probably would hit the other items on your list.
Check out your local library activities, check your city/town event calendar
If you have any interest is medieval things check out the Society of Creative Anachronism. www.sca.org
Even if you only want to meet new nerdy\geeky people. As long as you don’t mind wearing silly clothing.
This is somewhat dependent on living close enough to a city.
This is very cool. I think I have seen some people that do this at the Scarborough Ren Fair down here.
as one with limited mobility, i have made friends at the local, extremely small, music venue. tickets at the door are $20, beer is cheap, and everyone is super friendly.
because its a small place, the owner lets me take a chair with me when i am going to one of the stages that has no seating (i use a cane; its hard to stand for long periods). i usually sit next to the merch tables, and the friends of the bands usually strike up conversation.
this is a suuuuuper small place. it has 2-3 stages (depending on the night), but they are really close together, so only one band at a time can play (two stages are outside because the building is so small). even if its not music, go to really small local places that get decent crowds - they are a lot more personable.
Related, many small(-ish) bars have a stage for live music on Friday/Saturday. There may not be enough seating for those nights, and there’s little/no standing room, so people randomly share tables. From there, you strike up conversation with other fans.
Find the small places where they advertise the bands by name, and make sure they aren’t just cover bands. Irish pubs have been lucky for me, but there’s another place near me that regularly has jam bands.
That’s interesting how do you get to know people? Doesn’t the music make it hard to hear people? I feel like in that scenario i would go listen to music and have a good time but would still be alone in a crowd.
usually a band plays for ~30-45m - enjoying music time - and ~15m-1h (depending on the setup for that night) of downtime for chatting.
Oh that’s cool i guess i didn’t think of it as live music only. I was picturing a place where they blast a DJ or playlist way to loud between bands playing.
You are in Dallas? The main redeeming quality of Texas is the music. I wholeheartedly agree with this suggestion.
Also going out to the same places at the same time can pay off, you will make acquaintances and some may become friends. I see a group of old guys at the cafe I go to for coffee, pretty sure they are only friends because they go get breakfast at the Cuban place and ended up talking and sitting together.
I will say though, almost all my friends I met as adult came from work or from them going out with someone in my family. The medium level friends you are probably looking for. Do you not have work?
Furry convention
